And we walk the line
” What are you struggling to balance in your life? ” Jason Magness of the YogaSlackers asked me as I joined the group for our workshop in the park. I let out a laugh which inadvertently turned into an embarrassing guffaw!! Seriously? Wow, how would I even begin to answer that question in a way that did not open up my brain and dump all my most intimate thoughts into this circle of “happy go lucky” yogis. I quickly began to edit the drivel in my head and tried to come up with something clever. If you have ever read any of my other posts you will know how I feel about the notion of balance and whether or not it is attainable, so I will not bore you with that here, however what I did not know at the start of this adventure was that I would discover a new and profound definition of it all together.. We started with a quick warm up on the grass embracing all that was around us from baseball games to fly balls and kids crying; my kind of yoga!!! At last, some kindred spirits encouraging us to bring our surroundings in rather than block them out. Already I was in love and feeling right at home. Now perhaps this will discredit my yogi status, but again, if you have read any of my other posts the damage has already been done; I am often-times owned quite completely by my ego, particularly when it comes to feats of the body, and I do not like doing things that I am not good at. But alas, I had organized this insanity and I had to jump in. In short, it changed me. Strong statement, perhaps, as it was only a 3 hour workshop, but there are times when the universe converges to bring you just what you need; this was one of those times. I have a pretty loose definition of balance in general and it is something I have explored for many years. Despite this looseness I still attach a structure to it. I still have expectations and assumptions with regards to what it looks and feels like. It was a little disorienting to discover that my assumptions were as rigid as they were. I teach flow of all kinds, in life, in love and in yoga but how much of this was I living?? I lead a busy life like most. 2 young ones, full time school and the studio all demand much from me, and I have formed my habits, picking up and setting down, (more likely dropping in a large messy heap ) moving forward and talking the talk of someone who lives and breathes flexibility.
Time to get on the lines. 5 slacklines were set up between trees and posts in the park, surrounding us on all sides with the treacherousness of our assumptions. Time to let go. The ground was no longer what we knew it to be; not solid, not something we could sink our teeth into or even expect to stay under foot. Anything you tried to hold on to would cause an earth-shattering shaking, and chances of recovery were slim. But there were moments… There were moments of stillness that overtook the shaking, the gripping and the resistance. I would pull into my center, release what I thought was my holding, but there was still more. My resistance poured fourth like a river that had been dammed. How had I not noticed? How had I been holding so tightly and not noticed? With all that I was trying to juggle, I had grasped for control, subtly and over time. It had gone undetected. It was time to walk the line; to take a breath and let go; because when you are balancing on next to nothing, giving in to the profound force of nature, is the only way.
This entry was posted on Monday, July 5th, 2010 at 9:46 pm and is filed under Elementum. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.